


Frozen Soldier

by tonystarkswallet



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multi, Other, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 12:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21446473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarkswallet/pseuds/tonystarkswallet
Summary: Get a glimpse of Steve's nightmares, and a PTSD flashback. Takes place 2012, post-Avengers 1 and a few months after The New York Attack.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter & Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	Frozen Soldier

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning (TW): PTSD flashback with nightmare. Minor self-harm; pulling of hair, chewing of hand.

Steve’s plunged under the far too cold water. He screams as ice freezes over his frantic splashes and flailing limbs and when he looks up, he notices people are walking by. They see him laugh; they laugh at the freezing soldier who’s screeching for help but they don’t care. He begs for help but they just point and laugh harder. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

Icy water rushes down his throat into his lungs and it begins to freeze him from the inside-out, his body growing stiff. He’s trapped there, now a frozen corpse watching above the ice as people continue to walk by and snicker. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

Then he begins to sink and he eventually reaches the plane that he dove into the Arctic Sea seventh-four years ago. Red Skull is there under the water with him, beating Steve and it hurts, it hurts so much but Steve can’t do anything because he’s frozen solid and drowning, drowning in his own blood and water so cold he’ll never find anything that matches it’s temperature. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ 

Steve’s sat up in his bed with a loud, desperate shout. His voice broke halfway through, ending with a high-pitched croak. He violently trembles as he gasps for air, but there couldn’t possibly be enough air in the world to ease his burning lungs. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

It was just a dream. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

The soldier’s shoulders shook, a couple heartbreaking sobs escaping his throat, which racks his chest and forces him to slump over his own legs. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

After seventeen minutes of pulling his hair with one hand and biting the other, Steve eventually built the confidence and courage to get up from his bed. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

He made his way into the bathroom before turning the shower head on, letting it run for a few minutes to make sure it was warmed up. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

  
Steve slips into the shower and sighs as the hot water hit his sore back. Even though Steve’s body isn’t aged, he spends many hours hunched over his sketchbook with a pencil or pen. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ 

The soldier runs his soapy hands through his oily and sweaty hair, the pomegranate-scented shampoo calming his nerves and putting his mind at ease. Steve rinsed his hair before pressing his back to the tiled wall. He sits down and leans his head back as he shuts his eyes. And his mind slips. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

”Grab my hand!”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ 

Steve reaches over to try and grab onto Bucky’s arm or wrist, watching his soulmate cling to the edge of death and life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀

  
Bucky and his fingers brush together. Steve clenches his hand, but it’s too late. The metal handle breaks and Bucky falls towards the ravine of layered snow and rocks slick with ice. 

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

Steve watches until Bucky fades out of view. The blond presses his forehead against the chugging train. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀

_Cap!_⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

”Buh- Buck,” he whines, but the sound is drowned by the train’s wheels. He’s overwhelmed with a feeling of deep dread and guilt. Their hands touched; he was so close.

_ Dammit, Barton! Get him out of there! _

Then the train fades and he’s back in the HYDRA bomber plane, this time above the sea. He’s pushing the handles forward. The vessel pointed itself downwards, steered towards the bitter-cold and frozen-over sea. 

”We never did have that dance,” Peggy brokenly chokes out.

With a flash of white, Steve was shivering on his bathroom floor, a towel loosely thrown over him. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀

Clint is trying to dry the floor with a towel with his foot. Thor was sat on the floor, next to the panting soldier. 

Steve heard rushed footsteps. Then, “What the hell happened?” is asked by Natasha. 

”Ran out of hot water again,” Tony huffs. 

”Must’ve fallen asleep, like before,” Clint adds. 

Everybody’s scared of falling. But not many people consider the effort it takes to rise. Taking a nose-dive into the Arctic Ocean was horrifyingly effortless and underwhelming.

_You're lucky to be alive,_ people would say. 

But Steve didn’t feel lucky.⠀⠀


End file.
